


Condoms AKA Dick Gloves

by Liepe



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Humour, M/M, PWP, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Sex, and almost penetration, and that muggles are cock-blocking him, oh and there's fingering, that's about how far the porn goes, the only plot is that draco learns about condoms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-08
Updated: 2018-01-08
Packaged: 2019-03-02 09:19:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13315155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liepe/pseuds/Liepe
Summary: Draco ripped the silver packaging and pulled out a slightly yellowish rubber disk. This did not help clear things up at all.“Okay, now what the fuck is it?”“That's a condom,” Harry said patiently.---Or: I just really wanted to write about Draco’s reactions to a condom. That is literally what this fic is about.





	Condoms AKA Dick Gloves

“Enjoying this?” Draco asked, smirking.

“Yeah,” Harry breathed. He shifted a little and felt the fingers adjust inside him. “You can add another.” Draco did, making Harry’s breath hitch as a third lubed up finger pushed its way in.

Harry breathed through the stretch. It wasn't long before for he was moaning with every stab at his prostate Draco successfully made.

Draco leaned over Harry's back, pushing his fingers deeper inside, causing Harry to make the most delicious kind of noise. He mouthed at the neck in front of him, nibbling it and whispered, “Are you ready?”

“Merlin, yes,” Harry said, breathing harshly. “Please, just fuck me."

“With pleasure.” Draco gave one final nip at Harry's neck and moved away from him. He withdrew his fingers, making Harry's hole gape wonderfully, the muscles tensing as they tried to squeeze down onto something. Draco groaned deeply at the sight. He was quick to get his cock lubbed up and ready, not wanting to waste another minute of not being in that warm hole. 

He lined up his dick nicely towards the entrance, tip touching the outer rim and was just about to push in-

“Wait!” Harry shouted, causing Draco to immediately freeze. “Wait, wait, hold on.”

“What?” Draco snapped, not at all amused and feeling frustrated with his cock twitching. It was so close to entering that hole.

“If we’re doing this, I would like you to use a condom.”

Draco’s eyebrows furrowed in the confusion. “What the fuck is that?”

“It’s a muggle contraception, to prevent pregnancy and STDs,” Harry explained. His head turned at an awkward angle to look back at Draco.

“Well, there’s obviously no risk of any of us falling pregnant due to the lack of necessary genitals.” Draco looked pointedly at the dick in his hand, which he was starting to feel foolish holding, and Harry's hole. “And I had already cast all the necessary spells for diseases.”

Harry rolled his eyes. “I know, but just to be sure.”

Draco stared at Harry with scepticism but could see he was being dead fucking serious, and knowing the idiotic Gryffindor, he wouldn’t budge. Draco groaned and let go of his cock, which had deflated slightly over time but was no less interested in what was happening. “Ugh, fine, do you have this condemn on you?”

“Draco, it’s called a condom and there should be one in the back pocket of my jeans.”

“I’m feeling like I’m being condemned,” Draco muttered, climbing off the bed and rummaging inside Harry's dreadful muggle trousers. He pulled out a silver square and held it up to Harry, who nodded. 

He turned the thing around in confusion, wondering how the bloody how this was going to help in any way with sex. Maybe as a barrier of some kind outside of the hole? But did that mean he couldn't even enter Harry? Or maybe he had to shove it inside of him? Draco stopped that imagery before it could form any further, finding it too horrifying to even contemplate. 

Draco quickly gave up trying to figure out muggles’ weird ways and asked loudly, “Potter, what the fuck is this?”

“You have to open it first, Draco.” Harry rolled his eyes heavily. He had now turned around on the bed and was facing Draco, resting on top of his knees instead of kneeling on them.

Draco ripped the silver packaging and pulled out a slightly yellowish rubber disk. This did not help clear things up at all.

“Okay, now what the fuck is it?”

“That's a condom,” Harry said patiently.

“And what the bloody hell are you supposed to do with it?”

“Put it on your cock,” Harry continued with his annoyingly indulgent voice. Draco couldn't help but think he was being mocked. 

“The fuck how? It’s a plastic disk.” Draco held the thing up to his dick so that Harry could clearly see that there was no way that it could fit over it. Not that he was being boastful or anything, it was just common sense. 

Harry continued to be unhelpful by saying, “You pull it over your cock so it covers it.”

Draco stared at Harry in horror. “Potter, there is no way in Merlin’s Hell that I’m putting a glove over my dick.”

Harry narrowed his eyes. “Well, Malfoy, then I guess we’re not having sex.”

Draco looked in dismay between the rubber disk, Harry’s determined expression and his dick. Which was still hard, even though hadn't gotten any action in quite a while.

“You know what, fuck it.” Draco tossed the condom to a surprised Harry, who managed to catch the dreadful thing in time. “You top. You wear the weird muggle dick-glove if you that's what makes you happy and will let us fuck because there is no way I'm putting that thing on. Muggles are so weird with their weird muggle stuff.”

“Wow, Draco, wonderful use of words.” Harry rolled his eyes but grinned, not complaining about the changed of plans.

“You better believe it,” Draco snarked back, climbing onto the bed towards Harry. He gave the smiling git a warning look. “This shag better be bloody brilliant with all the trouble you’ve put me through.”

Harry cupped Draco's face and brought it towards him, saying, “Don’t worry, it will be,” and lent forward to kiss him.

**Author's Note:**

> Kinda sorry, kinda really not.


End file.
